Every Time
by DreamerAC
Summary: Kendall Knight has never been the same ever since an accident that took his love away from him. Kendall doesn't seem to move on in fact he may have become crazy which causes everyone to be in pain of how their leader had become. Contains Kenjo aka KendallXJo and Kogan aka KendallXLogan, a Songfic.


**A/N: I own nothing even if I want to own Kendall I do not own him or anyone, the song Every Time belongs to Britney Spears. **

Kendall Knight hated his life. Yes the stubborn and loyal leader now hates his life even if he loved it before. It wasn't before they left to Los Angeles, it wasn't before the big World Tour it was way after all this. Months after Kendall had saw Jo again and they got back together. No they weren't fighting anymore, in fact their sparks had grown bigger and they truly did fall in love even if Kendall thought he had feelings for another person.

_Notice me_

_Take my hand_

_Why are we_

_Strangers when_

_Our love is strong_

_Why carry on without me_

Jo loved Kendall with all her heart and was really happy that they were back together however she did feel that Kendall had deep feelings for his best friend Logan Mitchell. She noticed the closeness they got together and whenever Kendall touches Logan, Logan will get a deep shade of red. She even noticed how Logan has been staying away from her when she came back. Jo knew her instincts were correct when she heard the whole conversation that Logan had with Katie, he admitted to the younger Knight his feelings for Kendall. Jo not being surprised actually felt bad for how the genius felt. She didn't hate him because of how he felt, in fact she actually felt really bad about it. But she was always wondering if the love her and Kendall had shared would ever last but she wouldn't think hard about it because even if she loved Kendall she would always want him happy. If someone ends up with Kendall in the end other than her she was hoping it would be Logan because even she knew that they shared a special connection. But for now Kendall was happy with her.

But that all changed three months later. The accident when Kendall and Jo were in the car arguing about Jett again who was always flirting with Jo but Kendall not paying attention to the traffic around them accidently hit a car.

_Every time I try to fly_

_I fall without my wings_

_I feel so small_

_I guess I need you baby_

_And every time I see you in my dreams_

_I see your face, it's haunting me_

_I guess I need you baby_

Kendall never forgave himself for what happened that fateful day. Because of him Jo was killed instantly from that accident and Kendall lived while suffering a broken arm and cuts all over him. He stood in the hospital for a month not just because of his injuries but because he kept telling everyone he saw Jo and she was with them.

"Kendall…Jo's dead, she's been dead for four weeks," Carlos said slowly.

"No! Stop saying that! She's right there staring at you Carlos! She's been by my side since the accident!" Kendall yelled as he waved at the dead girl behind Carlos. Logan looked at his best friend with a sad look in his eyes. He read somewhere that if people start seeing the ones that they lost dead all the time they might be going crazy. He looked at Mama Knight and Katie and sees the tears that they were trying to hide at seeing Kendall like this.

I need you Jo, Kendall thought to himself while looking at the floor blaming himself for everything all over again.

_I make believe_

_That you are here_

_It's the only way_

_I see clear_

_What have I done_

_You seem to move on easy_

The guys finally were working on demos again for Gustavo but everyone knew that Kendall was never their fearless stubborn leader again. Every time they were finish with a song he would start talking to 'Jo' and ignore the crazy looks his friends were giving them. He would always go on picnics with himself saying that it was time for him and the young blonde's date, no matter how hard everyone tried to make him snap out of it. Mama Knight was always crying at night when she thought that everyone was asleep but Logan was always awake making sure Kendall wouldn't do something stupid to himself while they were all asleep. James took over being the leader for the group even if he never wanted to be one in the first place, he wasn't the leader they needed but he had to make sure the whole group didn't fall apart. But without Kendall being the old Kendall nothing was right. Their songs weren't right either. Yes Kendall was right in the head while they were singing but the emotion in their songs were dead now making Gustavo think that maybe Big Time Rush might be over really soon. He missed the stubborn kid he knew and hopes that soon Kendall would be alright.

"You noticed that Kendall never talk to any of us anymore except Logan?" Katie asked one day to the gang. James and Carlos nodded but stood quiet. Camille who was also there to make sure they were alright looked at them and said, "They aren't just best friends you know. There's something more however it won't come out."

They all stared at her with confusion in their eyes except Katie and Mama Knight who knew what Camille was talking about exactly.

Camille sighed at look at them. "I think that Kendall was in love with both Jo and Logan, but Jo dying just hurt him so much it ruined him and messed him up.

_And every time I try to fly_

_I fall without my wings_

_I feel so small_

_I guess I need you baby_

_And every time I see you in my dreams_

_I see your face, you're haunting me_

_I guess I need you baby_

Kendall was always protecting Logan ever since they were little but lately Logan was always protecting Kendall. People have been picking on Kendall but Kendall wouldn't do anything about it. One day Kendall was being beat down by the parking lot and Logan had to punch every last one of them to save Kendall. That night Logan couldn't take it anymore and decided that now he needed to talk to Kendall about all this. However even Logan wasn't exactly sure what to say because he knew how much Jo meant to Kendall. Jo was his inspiration for his songs, Jo was the first girl he ever fell in love with. Jo was just the caring and stubborn girl that was perfect for Kendall.

As for Kendall he always saw his past lover's face every day watching him. He felt so small and hated himself for living while his lover didn't. He felt that he needed her and couldn't dream of moving on without her.

"You need to move on Kendall."

The young boy turned around and saw his beautiful Jo's face. She looked exactly as he remembered her except her eyes were filled with sadness instead of the love she used to have.

"I can't Jo, I need you! I can't live without you!" Kendall cried out to her. She looked at him and sighed and went closer to her former lover.

"I know you love me Kendall but you can't be like this forever. Please if you really care about me, and then move on. The accident wasn't your fault and plus you got someone that loves you and that person's life is falling apart seeing you like this. Please Kendall if not you're going to end up killing yourself!" She was still in love with the boy but she knew the right thing for him is too move on and live his life.

"But Jo-"

She softly smiled at him because she knew how much the boy had truly loved her but they weren't meant to me. It was time for him to know that and she prayed that he would listen to her. She softly kissed him on the cheek and started to disappear.

"Please Kendall you will fall in love again, I know it. But also remember I'm with you and I want you to be happy again," She said and finally disappeared.

Logan who had just walked inside the room noticed Kendall having more tears on his face and felt like crying himself for seeing him like that. Kendall who just noticed the brunette tried to talk but he was stuttering instead.

"S-She's g-gone L-L-Logie."

"I know Kendall but I also know that somehow everything will be okay," Logan said as he hugged his best friend tightly. They wouldn't know that was how the true sparks began for their relationship, they didn't know either that a certain blond hair angel was watching them making sure they will be okay. However they truly didn't know that Logan's words weren't going to happen.

A few months later Kendall began to fall in love with his best buddy which was good because the two were already in a stable relationship, however it didn't last long because of one argument that they have.

"Kendall I thought you moved on!" Logan yelled at Kendall when he heard Kendall telling Katie that he still missed Jo.

"I did Logan! But I still miss her!" Kendall yelled back to the shorter boy. They were yelling so loudly that the whole Palm Woods heard them including Gustavo and Kelly who were trying to write the new Big Time Rush songs.

"You're still in love with her though! And I can't be with someone who is still in love with someone else!" Those were his last words to Kendall as he left him and the apartment to calm down.

_I may have made it rain_

_Please forgive me_

_My weakness caused you pain_

_And this song is my sorry_

_Ohhhh_

Months passed and it looked like Logan has moved on. He was always flirting with the girls and not hanging with Kendall, Carlos and James anymore except to record the songs. They all notice how he changed and they also noticed that Kendall wasn't making it either. He would always be in his room ignoring everyone that tried to help him. He now lost his new true love and best friend. Because of him being weak and not moving on again his life was messed up all over again.

"Big brother please open the door!" Katie pleaded to him. Kendall hearing his baby sister with a voice she never used before slowly open the door to see Katie almost about to cry. He also saw James and Carlos behind her with tears in their eyes as well. They were scared that Kendall was going to kill himself sooner or later and they wanted to stop it.

"Kendall please go back to being Kendall again please!" Begged Carlos. Kendall was always the one who hold the group together but ever since what happened with Jo the group was falling apart.

"We can't lose you either! I know your life is horrible right now but we just..."James couldn't even finish what he was saying and Kendall could see that they were all falling apart.

"Gustavo was actually crying yesterday Kendall... He's really worried about you too," Katie said to him which stunned her older brother. He never could picture Gustavo crying but he knew they weren't lying to him either.

Kendall sighed and felt horrible for hurting the people he cared about. He knew he had to be himself again because if something happens to his friends because of how he was acting now he will truly never be the same again. They were all staring at him waiting for Kendall to say something but when he wouldn't say anything they all look broken all over again. Kendall for the first time in who knows how long said something that caused everyone to smile and laugh again.

"Who wants to help me prank Bitters?"

Their happiness lasted a few more months that everyone was going back to themselves. Kendall still missed Jo but he was finally moving on however he still wanted his Logie back but he wouldn't let himself get in that depression state again. Logan however felt like crap all the time though because he was still in love with Kendall but he knew that he hurt him and felt scared to do it again. Though he couldn't keep his feelings inside him anymore, he was now the one that was always in his room ignoring everyone in his life.

"Kendall you should talk to him," Mama Knight told her son one night. Kendall being back to his leader self knew that talking to Logan was needed to get his best friend back.

"Logan! Open the door please!" Logan wouldn't open the door and being the stubborn boy Kendall is he kept on knocking until his best bud answered. Seeing Logan in tears that Logan now didn't hide he knew they needed a private talk out of the apartment ASAP.

"Want to go for a drive?" He asked the crying boy. Surprising he said yes.

As the boys walked to car they both remembered the happy memories they shared together. Like their first date watching the stars outside together, them cuddling at night together, Kendall protecting Logan whenever they see someone picking on the small boy, Kendall holding his boyfriend while they were at the movies, and many more. They also remembered when they pranked James and Carlos together that one night embarrassing the two boys in front of everyone. James and Carlos almost killed and were so angry and Kendall and Logan that they tried to prank the couple every night. When they got in the car and Kendall started to drive Logan was crying again. He looked at his best friend and cried more.

"I'm sorry Kendall! For everything! For yelling at you that day and for breaking up with you! I never should have done that when I was still in love with you!" Logan exclaimed while trying to hold back more tears. "I pretend to be alright to ignore the feelings I had for you but truly the feelings never left!"

Kendall stood quiet and the genius was afraid he ruined everything again until Kendall said, "I still love you too Logan but it was my fault. Not yours so don't think that. Because I love you too.

Logan didn't say anything because just as he was about to say anything a truck crashed in the car that they were both in.

_At night I pray_

_That soon your face_

_Will fade away_

It all happened all over again. Kendall surviving the accident while the one he loved was in danger of dying. Everyone was all around him at the hospital but he wouldn't let himself open his eyes. Weeks passed and he wouldn't let anyone take him out of the hospital because he knew that the depression and his craziness would all come back to him. He now had dreams of both Jo and Logan and he knew that soon he will be next to go.

_And every time I try to fly_

_I fall without my wings_

_I feel so small_

_I guess I need you baby_

_And every time I see you in my dreams_

_I see your face, you're haunting me_

_I guess I need you baby_

He thought he couldn't live without Jo and he couldn't for a while but now he knows that with Logan he couldn't live life truly. Kendall felt small and weak and his heart was ruined wholeheartly now because he lost two people that meant the world to him. But this time even if he felt like he couldn't live no longer he has to try now because everyone was truly broken and they all wouldn't make it if Kendall decides to kill himself now. He sees the eyes that everyone has been giving him when they visit and how hard Mama Knight has been holding his hand. They all fear for more nightmares to come again and they needed Kendall again this time. Logan was able to help Kendall get back to normal but now none of them couldn't and they had more fears than before.

He saw James and Carlos watching him thinking he was asleep even when Kendall wasn't. He was finally going to ask the question that was scaring for a while now. He opens his eyes and stared at his best friends.

"Did Logan…" Kendall couldn't finish his own words and noticed that James and Carlos stood quiet. "I'm not going to go back how I was, I'm going to be fine for you guys but I need to know if he died from the accident or not. No one has told me anything even if I been here for a while!"

James and Carlos didn't answer him and just stared at him in shock. They looked at Kendall then left the room.

"I guess he…didn't make it..." Kendall said out loud with tears in his eyes. He closed his eyes and his tears started to fall as he thought of everything that has been happening to him.

"Is he awake yet?"

"Yes, yes he is!"

Kendall started to cry more as he heard all these voices in his head. He got up from his bed and ran to the bathroom closing the door as he look at himself in the mirror.

"I know now both of their faces will be haunting me," He said out loud with his broken voice. As he looked at the ground then look at the mirror he saw an image that literally broke him inside.

"Logan!" He cried out in fear that he will be going crazy again. Logan smiled at him and nodded making Kendall shake. He was seeing things again and he tried shaking his head to make the Logan image go away. "I'm sorry Logan! I didn't mean to let you die!"

Logan looked at him in confusion and with a frown. "Kendall what a-

"Stop! I'm so sorry; I should have been the one to die not you! I'm going through all this all over again!" He yelled but as he yelled he felt more pain. Logan stood quiet with tears in his own eyes.

"Kendall I'm not dead! Well we were both going to die but we didn't!" Logan explained to Kendall who did still not believe it. "From what everyone was telling me, they thought I was truly going to die but I didn't I woke up a few days later before you did. But you, we were really worried about you Kendall we actually thought we lost you when you wouldn't wake up. At first we thought you woke up but you never did until today!  
Kendall stood silent. Did he really dream that Logan died and he was the only one that lived, in fact did he dream of waking up at all? Logan was telling him that Kendall just woke up today but Kendall thought he was always awake and that everyone was scared to tell him Logan died.

"Kendall?" Logan said with a scared voice. He was scared that Kendall might never be who he was now after what happened.

Kendall didn't say anything but saw a certain blond girl behind Logan with a smile. She went by Kendall and softly hugged him. The young girl nodded her head and disappeared. Kendall now knew that Jo was the angel that saved Kendall and Logan from that accident. Jo knew Kendall wasn't going to make even if he tried if Logan would have died so she decided to save them herself.

Kendall seeing that everyone was coming into the room looked at Logan with a smile that Kendall used to always wear and said," Logan I think everything would be okay from now on." He hugged his lover and smiled at everyone who came in.

"Thank you Jo." He said to himself and looked at everyone around him. Everything was going to be okay.

**A/N: THIS HAS 8 PAGES ON MY MICROSOFT WORD! Wow! Longest story I ever wrote on here. Anyway the original ending was that Logan dies and Kendall just tries to live his life for everyone but then I felt horrible about it and decided to have happy ending because I feel bad for Kenny here Anyway I wrote Jo as how I would think she would be like because honesty I really love her character and I wouldn't think she go all hating when she finds out that Logan had feelings for Kendall in the beginning and such but hey my opinion and also TWO more days for the new Big Time Rush episode so then maybe I might start on Distractions. I hope you guys enjoyed this story also. Xoxo DAC (:**


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